Melanie Schilling is a psychologist, expert on and a relationship expert for dating site e Harmony.
Melanie says having the convenience of many potential suitors in the palm of our hands may have actually backfired – and led us further from the path of finding true love.
“It seems that Aussies are shirking their interpersonal responsibility by hiding behind the anonymity of an app.
They feel like they have less emotional skin in the game and are forgetting that people have feelings, which shows a real lack of empathy.
“According to e Harmony’s research, Aussies’ really do desire long term, committed relationships, but they’re still choosing to engage with superficial mobile apps and the bad dating behaviours that come with them to find ‘the one.’ Essentially, it’s like wanting to run a marathon, but filling your training schedule with hurdle-jumping. If you are looking for a deeper connection, I recommend skipping the quick swipe method of dating and finding a digital platform that aligns with establishing a lasting spark.” Anyone who’s ever been on a dating app knows the bad behaviour that comes along with it.
Heck, you may have even been guilty of it yourself. “Swipe-based dating apps make it all too easy to engage in shameful dating behaviour, encouraging normally thoughtful daters to perpetuate a superficial dating scene, that only hurts themselves in the end,” says Melanie.
Research finds that divorce rates have dropped because of the recession.
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The warm, fuzzy feeling you have for someone grows over time.A true spark emerges in that special moment when you realise how easy and wonderful it is to be near to and talking with that person – not when you’re lusting over their abs in their profile picture.A 40-something acquaintance is married, with two children.The top three ingredients that create a ‘spark’ are fluid conversation, a shared sense of humour and feeling at ease with one another, according to the research. Wednesday ‘work horse’ Warren (great for fixing things around the house! But don’t expect Michael, Tom, Warren, Theo, Frank and Santi to be dating you exclusively.The quick-swipe method many daters are defaulting to, however, doesn’t establish any of this.” Melanie says convenience dating refers to the state in which there are so many superficial options, such as open relationships and casual flings, that it’s almost impossible to know whether you’re on the same page with someone – and even more difficult to know the status of relationships. “Australia’s dating scene is rife with swipe-happy daters sampling numerous dates per week, constantly face-down in their phone scanning for better options,” explains Melanie.